Friday, March 09, 2007

They Say I'm Crazy

A couple weeks ago, Bobby Brown was thrown in jail for not paying child support. He’s been thrown in jail lots of times, for lots of reasons. Basically, he’s crazy. I know, after that reality show, it’s obvious Whitney was the real problem in that family, but Bobby married her. And only a crazy person marries a crackhead.

A couple weeks ago, Britney Spears went nuts, shaved her head, and did the rehab hokey pokey three times. Basically, she’s crazy, too. I know, after seeing Federline “dedicate this one to the haters” in one too many interviews, it’s obvious he’s a moron. But, Britney married him. And only a crazy person marries a backup dancer, with two kids, who releases a lead single called Popozao – which boasts the lyrics “I want to see your kitty, and a little bit of titty” (Disco D, producer of the track, recently killed himself…coincidence?).

What does this all mean? I’ll tell you. It means:


I don’t care if you’ve got a record deal, if you’re singing karaoke, or if you’re humming along to the muzak at your local CVS. The second those lyrics come out of your mouth, your life will take a giant shit. That song is cursed.

Picture Bobby Brown before that song…happy, smiling and affable. He was like the boy next door. After that song? Humpin’ Around, pissing in police cars, driving drunk, getting high, and doing jail time. If he wasn’t famous, he would be that uncle who “we don’t talk about.”

Britney covered the song for her Greatest Hits album. Soon after, she was getting sloppy drunk and flashing her snatch to every photographer she could. If she wasn’t famous, she’d be banging David Faustino right about now.

That song is evil.

Nothing says “Watch this, my life is about to get fucked up” like singing My Prerogative. It ruins everyone it touches. It’s like saying “Bloody Mary” in front of a darkened mirror. Every copy of that song should be thrown into a big pile and burned under the guidance of a Catholic priest. That’s the only way to break the curse.

Maybe we can convince Nickelback to cover it first.

No comments: