Monday, July 16, 2012

I'll Kiss Your Open Sores

I've never raped anyone before, nor have I ever been raped. I've also never heckled a comedian before. I have heckled a rapist before, but hey man, that's just part of raping. You should expect to get heckled, you know? Look what you were undressing.

If you don't know what this blog is about, let me get you up to speed. Last week, rape-loving comedian Daniel Tosh perpetuated the Rape Culture™ by going on stage at a comedy club and making a joke about rape. Of course, that should never be done because it normalizes rape in the minds of people who would really like to do some raping, but who just hate going against the grain. You see, once a rapist feels that rape is normalized, he's much more comfortable to get his rape on and not feel like some kind of social outcast. Rapists don't mind raping, they just hate non-conformity. Anyway, a rape-hating lady in the crowd decided to heckle Tosh, thereby normalizing heckling, so Tosh doubled down with an even harsher rape joke. The lady then wrote a blog detailing the events of the show with 100% accuracy. Or at least I'm assuming it was 100% accurate since everyone in the world, including supposedly legitimate news sources, are taking her account as fact.

Here's a question: when's the last time you believed a stranger on the internet? Based on some random woman's recollection of a moment that was, in her words, "hard to process," in which she was "stunned," you're ready to run with that as the absolute truth? Congratulations, you subscribe to the same journalistic standard as people who believe email forwards. Think about that next time you roll your eyes when your Nanna says she heard on the computer that Obama is going to start white slavery. Do you also think Marilyn Manson really used to blow 12-year-olds on stage right after throwing dead puppies into the crowd? Have you gotten your money from that wealthy Nigerian yet? Are you skeptical about anything?

 FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: fwd: FWD: FWD: You're a dumbfuck.

I mean really, if the blogger in question had a Match.com profile with a couple slightly blurry neck-up pictures, would you really think she was curvy like her profile says? No. Yet, you take the account of this "incident" as some sort of gospel. I, for one, don't. Speaking as a comedian, people walk up to us all the time after shows and repeat our jokes back to us. And every single time, they completely fuck those jokes up. Wrong setups, wrong punchlines, quoting a different comic's jokes, you name it. Not only do they fail to recite the jokes properly, but they also routinely misinterpret them. I've been confronted for saying all Muslims are terrorists in a joke that says the exact opposite. I once had a a lady stand up, yell "you're racist" and walk out of the show during this bit:



The reality is, quite often, people are full of shit and you should always take what they say with a grain of salt. I mean, if you were "attacked" by a comedian and had your feelings hurt, wouldn't your account of the incident be as self-serving as possible? But now, we have to listen to the endless parade of empowered women and progressive men condescendingly prattle on about the "right" way to do a rape joke, or whether there even is a right way, what with our Rape Culture™ and all. Of course, if you go to Facebook right now and post, "I hope Daniel Tosh gets raped by five guys," you'll probably get a few Likes from the same enlightened people who care so much about eradicating Rape Culture™. I guess revenge rape is okay. He was asking for it.

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